Freddie, though 1 year you were born it only feels like 1 day. I have had my days where where I remember you and I smile and treasure the moments I had with you and then there are the days where I just want to cry.
I remember waking up a 5 in the morning and realising it was all happening going to my Great Aunts staying there and mucking out the horses of a distant Aunt, my Dad coming to tell us that we had a baby brother. At the time I didn’t know how serious Freddie condition was and just hoping that he would come home.
I can’t remember what happened during the 11 days my brother was alive very well, I can remember getting him a teddy bear snuggle blanket and seeing him a few times.
But I remember being told that it was over. In my head I knew it wasn’t working but I hoped. I don’t want it to be over even now but I tell myself that it is and I can’t do anything about. But this experience will be good for me, one day.
I’m going to cry today and wish for you back, but wishing doesn’t seem to help not even if you cry. Sometimes it hurts so much that I can’t think straight but I carry on and I’m strong.