Cartwheel Girl’s Blog

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Forever And Always February 18, 2012

Filed under: Uncatgroized — cartwheelqueen @ 3:54 pm

Having baby Benedict here, alive and breathing has taken some of the stress and pain away that is here, but it doesn’t take all of it. Freddie is still a person who lived and breathed and we can’t forget that, he can’t ever be replaced or forgotten. Sometimes when Ben open his eyes I can see just a tiny bit of Freddie in them and although that only normal I can’t help but have that tiny nagging worry, I try ever so hard not to worry but it’s just so hard.

When I hold Ben people say that some girls my age already have a baby, I have vowed not to be one of those girls, I’m happy just to have a younger brother. Also it keeps occurring to me that by the time he’s 6 or 7 he’ll probably be coming to spend weekends with me. If he does he’ll have to get used to spending a lot of time in the theatre being cooed by the other dancers! That is a very strange thought and not one I like to think about very often.

When Ben is awake all my fears, doubt and worry vanish but when he is asleep and has been for a while they come back, they creep into the back of my mind sparking off other worries, I remember these worries because I had them with Freddie, when we were at the hospital I was fine but at home I would just worry.

I have decided that I will be happy and I will not wish away his babyhood or is childhood, partly because by doing that I am wishing my own childhood away but mainly because I want to be able to enjoy him forever and always.



2 Responses to “Forever And Always”

  1. Anni Says:

    That is beautifully written xxx

  2. Iona Says:

    :’} (((hugs))) Aww, I can just imagine you age 20 with your little brother hanging out with your colleagues, ;It’s a very sweet picture. It’s going to be wierd growing up a boy in a family of girls! I’m glad you are’nt going to have a baby until you are old enough to look after him/her properly, I’m not until I’m married.

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